Continuing To Get Used To Creative Pursuits On Lithium et al

September - 2020

Writing still feels weird. Or, getting started does. We'll see how it goes once I get a little momentum. I'm not that worried about it though. I worked on a blog post for two hours yesterday. Well, it was kinda three blog posts. It started as one thing, moved to another, and evolved into a third. Still got work to do, but after two hours, I tapped out.

What's neat about the post is that I was live streaming while I was working on it. That kept me more focused more than I would have been otherwise. I still jumped around. Especially toward the end, but, by and large I was heads down.

That's something that I'm finding with the live streams. They keep me focused. Since I'm presenting, I don't want to bounce all over the place. I want to present the thing that I'm presenting.

It doesn't feel like pressure, exactly. And, I don't want to use the word obligation. But, more like,... ahhh... got it, it's respect for the audience.

I really like streaming. I wouldn't have guessed how enjoyable it is.

The blog post I'm working on is currently called "I Guess I'm Doing Performance Art". It's talking about how much I'm enjoying streaming and how I'm getting my head around the idea of doing it and the recordings of my journals and, I suppose, posting these journals, and the car vlog once I start posting it....

I've always had the urge to make. Before, with the undiagnosed bipolar and the associated hypo-mania, I just wasn't able to hang onto focus long enough to do that much stuff. (That's a new realization for me.) Also, having to do multiple steps was frustrating to a degree that I didn't realize. I see now, that that's one reason I liked taking photographs so much but not editing or actually posting them. I'd get the hit of enjoyment from taking them but the editing was too slow. I needed things to move fast and editing didn't.

That actually has me curious to see if I get back into taking photos, or, even more curious, if I go back and actually edit and post the 30 years of images I've already got... Given how much I'm enjoying making animated gifs in the evening, I can totally see doing photography editing again.

Shit, that's really interesting. For a while now, I been thinking photography was something whose time had passed for me . During the The Year Of Depression, I barely shot at all. Just some license plate stuff with my point and shoot. As I've been thinking about photography with my newly healed brain, it wasn't that appealing to me. But, as I sit here now, I can see a world where I'm doing it again. But, this time, actually doing editing and posting...

All this is new. With these meds, I'm able to do stuff that isn't instant. I don't have to keep jumping and jumping and jumping.

Bipolar meds can really fuck with people. Mine don't. They make me a better version of myself and I couldn't be more thankful.