ThePodOfAlan - Season 1 - Episode 1 Aftershow

November - 2021

Hello, Aftershow!

Welcome to the show after the show!

After I finished an episode I usually leave the mic on and keep going for a while. A kind of reset and review and wind down and maybe some context. This is the first one of those. Offered for your entertainment.

Today's Topics Include:

  • Loose guidelines
  • Playing vs Trying and changing the language in our heads
  • Doing something like trash does not mean we are trash
  • etc... vs "blah, blah, blah"
  • We'll touch on mental health and bipolar disorder
  • On the therapeutic value of talking to the camera

Ideas:

  • Write an app that gauges my speech to see if it can detect signs of depression


Auto-Generated Transcript (I'm in the process of getting this formatted)

00:04 and now we're doing the after show okay 00:08 oh my god this is so weird 00:12 all right so 00:13 sometimes you have to show things and 00:15 again i guess this is just we're doing 00:16 the introduction stuff so 00:20 and it's why so here's here's the thing 00:21 that i'm thinking is 00:23 i am just going to start these fresh 00:26 like i've already like we've just done 00:27 that like we've started these fresh and 00:28 then over time i would like to go back 00:31 and get all the episodes and all the 00:32 stuff that i've done prior 00:34 but like that's gonna take work um 00:37 because basically i've gotta go listen 00:39 to all that stuff and and like i don't 00:40 have to do too much editing but when i 00:42 was first doing those 00:44 um 00:47 one i was hypomanic or manic depending 00:48 on the day and with untreated bipolar 00:51 disorder so hooray but the 00:54 but the other aspect with that is i 00:55 wasn't really 00:58 i hadn't kind of refined what i was 00:59 gonna say versus what i wasn't gonna say 01:01 and i have very few rules very few rules 01:04 about what i'm not going to say 01:06 um largely it is gonna be that i'm not 01:09 gonna talk i'm not gonna say people's 01:10 names unless i have their permission to 01:12 say their names and 01:14 uh i'm not gonna talk too much about 01:16 work stuff because work stuff is work 01:17 stuff and 01:19 even though i do get into that um 01:22 and i'm not really gonna go like super 01:23 political like that's just not there's 01:26 enough of that out there i don't think 01:28 my voice in the middle of that stuff is 01:30 gonna help particularly um on a on a 01:32 broader level so uh individually sure 01:34 but like 01:36 in the noise not so much so that's 01:38 basically it um everything else is is 01:41 and i don't want to say fair game 01:42 because that makes it sound like we're 01:44 after it and like oh yeah we could go 01:46 take this stuff down like fair game is 01:47 like we're hunting things or whatever 01:48 but like everything else is just on the 01:49 plate everything else is in play 01:51 um and i really 01:53 i really like the words in play we'll 01:54 get to play a lot i'm sure um 01:57 because i i really like this idea of 01:59 playing with stuff um the 02:02 the one that's come up recently with me 02:03 is 02:04 uh 02:06 if 02:07 if you're gonna work on something or if 02:09 you're gonna try for something or if 02:11 you're gonna make an attempt at 02:12 something 02:14 don't use that language necessarily 02:16 don't say 02:18 oh i'm going to try to do this thing 02:20 because if i try to do it 02:22 i might fail and then that can lead very 02:25 much of 02:27 if i have failed at this thing then i am 02:29 a failure because the the tendency for 02:32 us to 02:34 put 02:36 our 02:38 success or failure on a thing that we've 02:40 done which is actually outside of us 02:42 is high like that's that's that's we 02:44 don't have a lot of training i don't 02:45 think to make a disconnect there it's 02:46 like i did a thing that thing failed but 02:50 i am okay because like it's not that i 02:52 am a failure that thing failed um i was 02:54 talking with somebody last night uh 02:56 playing some games and 02:58 uh they're having a bad game and they 03:01 said i'm trash 03:04 and like it's i know him well enough to 03:05 basically say okay so we have to talk 03:08 about this and it's like whatever i 03:09 wasn't getting all preachy whatever like 03:11 it's not that you're it's not 03:13 it's not that you're trash it's that 03:14 you're playing like trash but those are 03:16 those are two different things and like 03:17 that's really like that mental switch is 03:22 huge 03:24 and i see so many people 03:26 that have not 03:28 been shown that that is an option of the 03:30 way that to think and so one of the 03:32 things that i'm interested in with this 03:33 i guess is is talking about some of that 03:36 stuff and like i've i've picked up on a 03:38 few things 03:39 that i find interesting and helpful in 03:41 my life and so some of what we'll talk 03:43 about is the things that i found 03:45 interesting and useful in my life and 03:46 that's a big one it's the internal 03:47 language that we use 03:49 in our heads as we're talking to ourself 03:51 and our self narratives and 03:53 our inner monologue and inner dialogue 03:55 depending um 03:58 but yeah so that was that that was a 03:59 good one but yeah so this this is just 04:01 going to be 04:02 i don't know and so like it's fun with 04:03 the after show stuff because the after 04:05 show is really the show 04:07 it's just another episode but with the 04:08 break and then sometimes it's less 04:11 i don't know i i 04:12 it just it it's i switch it up just a 04:14 little bit and then i kind of like 04:17 de-gear and then see what happens next 04:20 sometimes i go on for a little while 04:21 sometimes i don't 04:25 sometimes i pause for a second and have 04:26 coffee sometimes i don't uh yeah so i 04:28 guess we might as well get some of the 04:29 other stuff out of the way just the prep 04:31 stuff and like i was 04:33 i was trying not to do too much of a 04:37 this is what this thing is going to be 04:38 about and this is not what it's going to 04:39 be about blah blah blah blah blah blah 04:40 not sorry i didn't mean blah blah blah 04:41 blah blah blah but like et cetera et 04:42 cetera et cetera oh that's better 04:43 there's good language for you 04:45 instead of blah blah blah blah blah say 04:46 et cetera et cetera et cetera because 04:48 blah blah blah blah blah can kind of 04:50 have a 04:51 negative punch to it 04:54 versus etc etc which also could a little 04:56 bit but it's less 04:58 weighted with 05:01 stuff um well less weighted with weight 05:03 i don't know um 05:05 but yeah i was gonna go without 05:08 talking too much about that initially 05:10 but like 05:11 this is like the way that i do this is i 05:13 just talk about whatever the like 05:15 welcome to 05:16 this episode of uh what's it called free 05:20 form thought no what's it called uh 05:21 stream of consciousness with alan um 05:25 yeah so hello world welcome to stream of 05:26 consciousness 05:28 that's uh i wonder how many podcasts are 05:31 are like that like 05:33 go with um 05:35 a much more stream of consciousness 05:37 thing versus really kind of having a 05:38 topic or whatever and i mean i i think 05:42 you have to have 05:44 some portion 05:46 of like you have to be able to do 05:48 a decent amount of stream of 05:49 consciousness or like back and forth or 05:51 whatever 05:52 in order to keep the dialogue going 05:55 but 05:56 as for just like getting on and going 05:57 like this this is like i'm here i'll 05:58 have to look around and see i i haven't 06:00 heard too many other podcasts like that 06:01 now it could mean that there's a billion 06:03 out there and just nobody likes them 06:05 which oh well so what uh 06:08 but also it may not be that there's as 06:10 many out there who knows um a thing that 06:13 i've i've learned of late is that my 06:15 brain works a little bit differently 06:16 than most people's so 06:18 i am the neurodivergent or in the 06:20 neurodivergent crew um the oh yeah so i 06:23 guess as you say i think i mentioned 06:24 earlier but like so uh bipolar disorder 06:26 hey bipolar one checking in and 06:29 but that's i kind of don't but don't i 06:30 don't care about that like that's 06:31 probably not gonna come up super often 06:35 it will come up from time to time but 06:37 that's not 06:39 like i'm not interested in this being 06:41 like 06:42 oh alan the bipolar person 06:44 like that's not 06:46 like that is it's so it's it's funny to 06:48 me because it's so not 06:50 i am privileged enough that 06:53 the stuff that i deal with 06:56 has been crappy at times to say the 06:59 least 07:00 but it's not it doesn't ride high in my 07:03 brain all the time like i kind of don't 07:06 think about it most of the time 07:09 because i'm very fortunate in the way 07:10 that i have a very good psychiatrist who 07:12 got me on the right meds and my body is 07:13 responding to those meds etc etcetera 07:16 etcetera instead of plus and 07:21 so like that's gonna that's gonna be in 07:22 the mix but it's not gonna be like hey 07:24 this is the bipolar podcast with alan 07:25 coming at you live from five or whatever 07:28 um also i want i really so the other one 07:31 that i want to do 07:33 is 07:34 i want to do a and i just i just slowed 07:37 down my my voice a little bit not my 07:39 voice my uh the tempo of my language the 07:41 temple my words whatever they got speech 07:43 slowed down my speech i guess 07:45 just a touch because i'm kind of excited 07:47 about this but the one of the things 07:49 that i want to do is 07:51 uh use like some of the amazon aws 07:54 services to actually like count words 07:56 per minute and 07:59 do some like graphing of the episodes of 08:01 like 08:02 uh because like some of the episodes i 08:04 recorded like way back 08:05 was in the middle of some pretty severe 08:07 depression 08:08 and like i think it'd be interesting to 08:10 see like if i record these every now and 08:14 then like this could actually be used as 08:16 a gauge to say 08:18 like or 08:18 the question becomes can this be used as 08:21 a gauge 08:23 uh or an indicator to say hey your 08:26 speech is slowing down 08:28 you might like check in with your 08:30 therapist 08:32 even though i check in with them every 08:33 week but check in with your therapist 08:35 because this might be some signs of 08:36 depression kind of stuff um or at least 08:39 an alert to that 08:40 that's one that i've wanted to do for a 08:41 while and i got a bunch of stuff that we 08:42 can mess with so like we'll play with 08:44 that too 08:45 anyways uh that's probably enough 08:47 running around and tangents and stuff 08:49 for now uh i'm gonna go figure out how 08:50 to post this stuff 08:52 uh and we will post it and see what 08:55 happens 08:56 i i just this is this is one of those 08:58 i'm in very much in the in the 09:00 mood or in the mode 09:02 of like get up and go and get the things 09:05 done like i have 09:06 i have a 09:10 uh 09:11 and this is the these are things that 09:13 you will hear me working on a lot as i 09:15 do this because some of this by the way 09:16 is kind of therapeutic for me um and 09:20 having talked with my therapist i was 09:21 like this feels a little bit like a kind 09:22 of therapy she's like yeah it kind of is 09:24 i was like okay cool um so thank you 09:26 audience uh we'll talk talk about rubber 09:28 ducking which is how programmers talk to 09:30 inanimate things to help them sort 09:31 things out which is kind of what this is 09:33 as well 09:34 um 09:35 but 09:36 i completely forgot what i was talking 09:37 about there so i sometimes i'll lose the 09:39 train and uh and as we jump off the 09:41 train 09:42 uh oh i remember what it is yeah 09:44 somebody go back we're gonna post some 09:45 stuff i'm very like i have this thing 09:46 and we'll talk about this more later 09:48 where i have a new 09:51 [Music] 09:54 something 09:57 access to energy but control of the 10:00 energy 10:02 and 10:03 non 10:06 like basically i'm medicated now and i'm 10:08 stable 10:09 but i still have the ability to be 10:11 creative and have the ability to do 10:12 stuff 10:14 and so i'm really curious to see what i 10:16 can do 10:18 as on when i'm stable and 10:20 also it's like part of it's like i wanna 10:21 like i have this pent up energy to do 10:23 stuff 10:24 but it's not like the 10:26 it's not like 10:29 this giant dam that's about to break and 10:31 like burst through it's just like oh 10:32 i've got like this reserve of stuff that 10:34 i've been that i've been saving up for a 10:36 long time so it's like i've got i've got 10:38 like a 10:39 enough money that i can take a really 10:41 good vacation into creativity 10:44 without worrying too much about it 10:47 does that make sense 10:49 so weird to ask if 10:51 people on the other end if that makes 10:52 sense but probably this could happen 10:53 sometimes anyways you all have a good 10:55 one we will uh we will do this again 10:57 soon till then take care be kind and 10:59 we'll see you next time cheers