ThePodOfAlan - Season 1 - Episode 4

November - 2021

Today's Topics Include:

Auto-Generated Transcript (I'm in the process of getting this formatted)

00:02 [Music] 00:07 all right so hello world we are gonna go 00:09 back to hello world right we're gonna go 00:11 hello world 00:13 welcome to this edition 00:15 of reverting to the old way of doing 00:18 things or at least doing the intro uh 00:21 yeah so 00:23 i don't know specifically how i'm going 00:24 to start these like i'm going to go back 00:26 and forth on these that's what's going 00:27 to happen we're going to do some with 00:28 hello world we're just on with that but 00:30 i'm probably gonna do some more of those 00:32 because it's like it's a nice way to get 00:34 into things right so like saying hello 00:36 it's a good introduction thing 00:38 um but yeah we'll see kind of how that 00:39 goes so this is this is gonna be 00:41 interesting one for me because i don't 00:43 have a specific run on this one to get 00:46 into um 00:47 i i'm a little bit tired today a little 00:49 bit like whatever but this is part of 00:51 the process of just 00:53 doing the repetition of doing the work 00:55 of putting the of putting the time in 00:56 and doing the thing 00:59 possible very possible no sorry not very 01:02 likely but possible that this one won't 01:04 actually go out 01:06 that however is not going to be super 01:08 likely i was i was actually looking 01:09 around today 01:11 for how to host a podcast or how to post 01:13 a podcast um i've been putting up on 01:15 youtube but we actually need to get it 01:16 into 01:17 uh an actual like proper podcast thing 01:20 that has what's called an rss feed that 01:22 then lets you get it in your podcast app 01:24 of choice so i looking that up i ran 01:27 across an article by 01:29 um this person named garyvee i believe 01:31 is their name that 01:33 is 01:34 does a bunch of podcast stuff does a 01:36 bunch of social media stuff does a bunch 01:37 of inspiration stuff 01:39 and one of the things they were talking 01:40 about was 01:43 you can't 01:44 judge like if you 01:46 [Music] 01:47 judge your content 01:49 too harshly you're never going to put 01:50 anything out and it's it's a it's a tale 01:53 as old as all this time about 01:57 perfect being the enemy of the done so 01:59 you kind of walk into this 02:01 mindset of like oh this isn't good 02:02 enough this isn't good enough this isn't 02:03 good enough and you end up not actually 02:06 getting anything out the door shipping 02:08 and shipping something producing 02:09 something actually making a thing happen 02:12 and so 02:13 one of one of his points was like you 02:15 know you have to like 02:17 let 02:18 effectively the audience decide what's 02:20 quality and what's not and what they're 02:22 gonna listen to and what they're not or 02:23 what they're gonna watch and whatnot or 02:24 what they're gonna consume or what 02:25 they're not 02:27 and like i think that's really valuable 02:28 but the other thing that i think is is 02:30 equally as valuable in there that wasn't 02:31 his point specifically but is something 02:34 that i've read in a couple books 02:37 uh one by stephen king 02:39 on his book on writing and then another 02:41 one um that's i no yeah sorry sorry it's 02:44 it's the stephen king book there's 02:45 another book that i was thinking of with 02:46 by a person named anne lamont 02:49 who has the concept of the shitty first 02:50 draft but that's a different thing uh 02:52 we'll get into that at some point i am 02:54 sure but that is not for now 02:56 the the stephen king one though and on 02:58 writing 02:59 is 03:00 basically he talks about his process of 03:02 writing and his process of writing is 03:04 effectively 03:05 get up every day and write 03:07 write for a couple hours and then be 03:09 done with the writing for the day but 03:11 the trick is the everyday part of it and 03:13 that's 03:14 how he has been so prolific is he just 03:17 does it every single day uh another 03:19 story that i've heard is of jerry 03:21 seinfeld who has a similar 03:23 uh methodology where 03:25 uh story goes he has a calendar and on 03:28 this calendar uh you know big big like 03:31 two foot by three foot calendar and 03:33 what he does is every day he writes a 03:35 joke he puts an x on it and then the 03:37 next day if he writes a joke he puts on 03:38 the x on that day and the next day the 03:40 next the next day 03:41 and he says 03:42 my job is to make as many of those x's 03:45 in a row as possible because that means 03:47 i've done the thing i'm 03:49 doing 03:50 on that day now i'm not going to be 03:52 doing these podcasts every day that's 03:54 more than i want to get into i and i 03:56 don't have a specific 04:00 or um 04:02 tempo or process or target for how often 04:05 i'm going to do them but i want to do 04:07 them fairly frequently 04:09 i 04:09 i think that is 04:11 good for me good for the podcast good in 04:14 general however 04:15 sometimes i'm gonna over stretch on 04:17 those and i'm gonna do them when i'm not 04:19 really 04:20 feeling it or 04:21 in the mood or i'm not gonna do a good 04:23 one and like 04:24 that's gonna be fine worst case i cannot 04:27 publish it but i'm probably going to put 04:28 like unless it goes really sideways 04:30 i'm i will just continue to publish like 04:32 i i'm already going to publish this one 04:34 like there's no question of this i've 04:35 i've talked for a couple minutes and 04:36 everything's fine like we can keep going 04:38 so even if it goes off the rails right 04:39 now still going to publish it and 04:42 eventually that's gonna happen it's it's 04:44 one of the things that's interesting to 04:45 me is the difference in 04:49 uh timing on these uh versus the ones 04:51 i'm doing in the car or have done in the 04:52 car because the ones in the car i think 04:55 generally go like 30 or 45 minutes 04:58 and then an after show of equal length 05:00 and one of the reasons i know that is 05:02 because my camera would often die around 05:04 the 45 minute mark um i tried to like 05:06 wire in batteries i tried to do whatever 05:08 and like it kept kept having that 05:09 problem 05:10 these feel like they're going to be 05:12 shorter and i think that's actually 05:13 probably good 05:15 um because i 05:16 think that in general it 05:18 fits the mood or the vibe or the 05:20 whatever like that's just kind of where 05:22 they're gonna be um though i'm sure some 05:24 will go longer some will go shorter et 05:26 cetera but so i'm not i'm not trying to 05:28 target a specific time for these either 05:30 in terms of a specific length 05:33 and and you hear all kinds of stuff 05:34 where i've heard all kinds of stuff 05:35 where people 05:36 are trying to define 05:38 like what the right length for a podcast 05:40 is um and how 05:42 you you get these 05:45 conversations that happen where 05:48 people are looking for 05:50 the silver bullet they're looking for 05:52 like what is the one true answer for the 05:54 thing that i am gonna do that's gonna 05:56 make it successful that's gonna bring me 05:58 fame riches and 06:00 stuff 06:03 but like that's that's not really a 06:05 valid 06:07 answer for 06:09 a general population of things like 06:11 there is not going to be 06:13 a specific time that if you manage to 06:16 make your podcast 17 minutes and 23 06:19 seconds every single time that that is 06:21 suddenly magically gonna make it 06:23 the top of the charts 06:26 these will be shorter and longer there 06:27 are some other podcasts to do like i 06:29 think there's one that's called 06:30 adventure zone which is some uh some 06:33 cats sitting there playing d 06:35 and 06:36 i actually have no idea how long those 06:38 episodes are but they are the right 06:40 length for however long they are 06:42 because it like it's the feel of the 06:45 thing like they get there they have a 06:47 little adventure they make some progress 06:49 and then they hit a point that's a 06:50 natural stopping point and like i also 06:52 don't know 06:53 if those episodes are 06:56 basically all the same length or if they 06:58 vary in length i think they're close-ish 07:00 to the same length not sure 07:03 we could go do some research and figure 07:04 that out if we really wanted to 07:05 i'm not super concerned about it because 07:07 again like the the length of those 07:09 episodes or the length of garyvee's 07:11 podcast episodes is 07:15 it's outside of 07:18 the 07:19 the influence of what i am working on 07:23 the 07:24 in all but the most tangential ways what 07:26 any of the what any of the length of any 07:28 of those other podcast is it doesn't 07:29 matter 07:30 to this one it doesn't matter to me um 07:33 now if i'm the car i'm writing i'm 07:34 listening to one like then it matters 07:36 because it's like i don't 07:37 want to have it go on for six hours and 07:39 i have a you know a 15-minute trip or 07:41 something like there's like ah i need to 07:43 have more time to sit in the car but 07:45 again that's just not a thing and like 07:47 you can always pick them back up 07:49 so yeah so i don't know 07:50 i don't know as much 07:52 about where this one's going now um and 07:53 this is this is one of those things like 07:55 i so i i don't there is also this thing 07:58 where like i don't have to keep talking 08:00 like we can turn the thing off but part 08:02 of this is an experiment for me to see 08:04 like 08:05 how it how like how to navigate the feel 08:08 of 08:09 the 08:10 thing to the feel of the conversation 08:13 and uh obviously it's a monologue it's 08:15 not specifically a conversation because 08:16 it's just me talking the whole time i 08:18 got it but 08:20 like what is the right length 08:22 for any given time and 08:24 for me it's like i you know i feel like 08:26 i feel like there's something else that 08:27 i was gonna say or that i had or that 08:29 whatever 08:31 but i haven't found it yet so i'm gonna 08:33 sometimes and one of the other ways that 08:35 i kind of do this stuff is i will often 08:37 just kind of talk around a little bit 08:39 until i hit on a thing or on the thing 08:41 that was kind of in the back of my brain 08:42 and was kind of up there 08:43 i don't really know what that was um but 08:45 i can kick off to another thing right 08:47 now which is 08:49 for the first time in the 20-plus years 08:52 since i left the university of alabama 08:55 there was an alabama football game that 08:56 was on that i did not watch 08:59 and that 09:01 is obviously new because this is the 09:02 first time that's happened in 20 years 09:03 but it's it's it's just a telling thing 09:06 and i know that i've mentioned like some 09:08 mental health stuff and how this isn't 09:10 like i don't want this to be like mental 09:11 health all the time but like it's a 09:12 thing in my life and that's a that's a 09:14 trick and it's going to come up and this 09:16 is one of those cases where 09:18 in the past 09:20 if there was a game on and i was by a tv 09:23 i was watching it i was like standing up 09:24 i was dialed in i was focused i was 09:26 watching it and like 09:27 you know 09:28 you 09:30 somebody interrupts me and like i would 09:32 get angry um i was trying to think 09:33 there's another sentence in there i was 09:34 trying to think of but i can't remember 09:35 what it is like 09:37 god for god 09:39 save anybody who 09:41 interrupted me or something like uh 09:42 there's some other southern statement 09:43 out there that i can't get in my head 09:45 right now um 09:48 but like now 09:49 it's i'm still going through 09:52 this transition of adaption of 09:56 not not really adaptation but of 09:59 transition of recognizing and 10:02 adapting is get not the right word but 10:04 it's the word i keep trying to go to 10:06 the 10:08 getting used to-ness 10:09 of what it's like to be on the meds that 10:12 i'm on um oh yeah so uh just for 10:14 reference so the medications that i'm on 10:17 are uh lithium lamotrigine and abilify 10:21 which are the main antipsychotics and 10:23 then 10:25 modafinil which is so the those first 10:27 three 10:28 are what keep me level um but they 10:31 sedate me and so i have my daffodil in 10:33 there to get me um 10:35 not sleepy and tired all the time it 10:37 like uh promotes wakefulness and 10:38 alertfulness um 10:40 but yeah so just this reference for 10:41 anybody's interested that's that's the 10:43 cocktail that i'm on 10:45 it took 33 changes to get to 10:48 this those those specific 10:50 pills and at the specific dosages that 10:52 we have um which again i 10:54 am very lucky that i have a very good 10:56 psychiatrist who worked with me through 10:59 a couple years and those 33 mad changes 11:01 to to get me there um 11:04 but i'm still i'm still adapting to this 11:06 to this new stableness and and the other 11:08 one and the other aspect with this 11:10 that's happened was 11:11 i got stable about a year ago and 11:16 that was fantastic like i still remember 11:18 and i will still always always remember 11:21 the day that my kind of inner voice my 11:23 inner dialogue came back to me because 11:25 it had been not there during the 11:27 depression 11:28 for a long time for like a couple years 11:32 but as i became stable again and as that 11:34 came back because one of the things that 11:36 happens if you have a major 11:38 bipolar episode either a manic episode 11:40 or a depressive episode as some brain 11:41 damage happens um you get lesions in 11:43 your head 11:44 and it those heal up over time 11:47 mostly still some scars still not great 11:50 one of the reasons they really try and 11:51 like make you 11:53 prevent you from having an episode is 11:54 because it actually causes brain damage 11:56 so 11:58 i was out of the depression but then 12:00 there was the brain healing that also 12:01 happened so when i finally got to 12:03 this point of stability 12:05 last october um 12:07 then they were in the pandemic and 12:12 i was in isolation right so everybody 12:13 like nobody was 12:15 out doing stuff so that actually turned 12:18 out 12:19 largely to be good for me in terms of i 12:22 was still 12:24 i like as i was hitting stability i was 12:26 okay with not having to do the work of 12:29 being social um 12:32 over time 12:34 i didn't realize but that isolation 12:36 absolutely became not good for my mental 12:38 health and it went from something that 12:40 was good and helpful to something that 12:42 was very much not and i and it it slid 12:45 down that way so slowly that i didn't 12:47 notice it um 12:49 but over the past while and we've we've 12:51 just recently gone back into the office 12:53 where i work 12:54 and 12:56 it was just like that was happening as i 12:58 was really kind of like struggling with 13:00 the isolation like it was 13:02 it was hard for me to think i'd kind of 13:03 phase out like i just wouldn't it was 13:05 hard to work 13:06 it was hard to do much of anything 13:08 um though weirdly i was able to do some 13:10 stuff i don't know like that whole thing 13:12 was just weird and a mess but i was not 13:16 doing good at my job 13:18 because i was so isolated like i just 13:20 couldn't 13:22 in 13:23 i don't unders i still don't understand 13:27 the one level down mechanism of what the 13:29 problem was here 13:30 i just know it was i know now it was the 13:32 isolation because when i went back into 13:33 the office 13:35 things have clicked back up and i'm like 13:36 oh okay i feel better i can do stuff 13:38 again i'm back on task etc 13:42 the only thing that changed was the 13:43 isolation so like i don't understand why 13:45 the isolation was affecting me as much 13:46 as it did other than its isolation and 13:49 its lack of human connection um and its 13:51 lack of 13:53 physical presence like because i was i 13:55 was out um 13:57 like i was connecting with people on 13:58 discord and uh twitch and stuff but 14:00 mainly discord during the pandemic like 14:02 that was my my social 14:05 um 14:06 my social circle moved to discord um and 14:08 like a bunch of us would get together 14:10 and hang out most nights 14:11 so like i was still having some 14:15 communication and talking and social 14:17 contact 14:18 but it wasn't in person 14:21 and it turns out that that there's 14:23 something about that that was critical 14:25 for me that i was missing um i expect 14:29 that is a human condition thing where 14:31 the vast majority of us need to have 14:33 that presence in that thing and like so 14:35 single dude living by himself so like if 14:36 you have a family maybe you didn't run 14:38 into this but 14:40 as somebody who was basically completely 14:41 isolated for a very long time that was 14:44 not a good thing for me mentally 14:46 as it as it 14:48 moved down from where it was good where 14:50 it was like helpful and i could like 14:52 kind of be in my own world to to 14:55 do some healing to the point where i was 14:57 basically healed and stable and then it 14:59 was like i was it was gone like that 15:00 contact was gone and that was just 15:03 bad so 15:06 okay all right so now and now we're 15:07 gonna do the thing that sometimes is 15:09 gonna happen here which is i don't 15:11 remember how i got on that track so 15:13 we're gonna see if we can talk back 15:14 through it for a split second and see if 15:15 we can run back we may get there we may 15:17 not this is gonna be a thing that 15:18 happens but 15:20 with the ice so we did the isolation 15:21 thing we were talking about the bipolar 15:23 thing 15:24 um yeah no i remember what it was oh 15:27 yeah alabam games so 15:29 i yeah i so part of part of the change 15:32 that has happened to me like my brain is 15:34 different now 15:35 and one of these changes 15:38 is it's happened this basically this 15:41 entire season where 15:43 i will 15:44 watch obama game but i will be doing 15:46 something else at the same time 15:48 and then today's game 15:51 which was against 15:53 team that we really we beat them like 59 15:56 to 3 or something i can't remember what 15:57 it was but like i just i didn't even 15:58 really pay attention to when the game 16:00 was and i kind of looked it up and it 16:01 was already on 16:03 but i didn't 16:04 care about going to watch it and that's 16:08 really new to me because it used to be 16:10 that that would like i was like in there 16:12 and watching it and just that would be 16:14 the thing but now it's just not 16:17 that thing um 16:19 and i i don't know what that means i 16:22 don't particularly care to 16:24 put meaning 16:26 associated with it it's just 16:28 that is the way 16:29 that my interaction with the world has 16:32 gone now um 16:33 and let me say much healthier 16:36 uh 16:37 both both in that particular instance 16:41 a little bit right you know not not 16:42 being super like 16:44 focused and driven all the other stuff 16:45 because like i still have focus and i 16:47 still have drive 16:48 it's just not like this 16:50 laser hot burning um i kind of picture 16:54 uh when you see like superhero stuff and 16:57 they've got like lasers coming out of 16:58 their eyes 16:59 that used to be the intensity with which 17:01 i would do things and watch things and 17:03 be into things um 17:05 the trick with that is you can't see 17:07 like you kind of miss the force for the 17:09 trees when you're doing that or the 17:10 force for the tree that you're burning a 17:12 hole through 17:14 so it's it's really it's an interesting 17:15 experience for me to to kind of like 17:19 pay attention to or like 17:21 notice these things that are happening 17:24 now that are different and i don't say 17:26 that they're happening to me i just say 17:27 that they are happening um 17:29 i happen to be the central player in the 17:31 thing but that is because we're all the 17:33 stories where you know we are the stars 17:35 of our own stories 17:36 but yeah so that's that's a little story 17:38 about alabama football and how uh i am 17:40 no longer super 17:42 um 17:43 fired up about it all the time the the 17:46 the a friend who's also now the famous 17:48 like a big alabama fan and like for real 17:50 is has said that there's about 50 hours 17:53 of football on per year 17:55 and 17:56 he's of the of the opinion i used to be 17:58 very much so i'm going to watch every 17:59 single minute of all those 18:02 that's no longer the case and like 18:03 that's it's nice it's it's not that it's 18:05 relaxing but it's less 18:09 uh it's less 18:11 requirement of energy it's it's less 18:13 exhausting i guess is really the best 18:15 way to say it 18:16 um 18:17 because that's that is one of the things 18:19 that i realize now 18:21 like when i think back through 18:24 all the times 18:25 before the medication like that stuff 18:27 seems exhausting to me now 18:29 and it wasn't exhausting to me then 18:31 because i was unmedicated and i was 18:33 hypomanic but now i just like i i have 18:36 no desire to run back into those 18:40 time periods or that that effort 18:42 spending or that whatever because it's 18:43 just like good lord that was that's that 18:46 was a lot um i'm glad i'm glad to have 18:49 put that aside and uh gotten on some 18:51 meds and so 18:54 with that i think we'll call this one uh 18:57 that that was 18:58 as is always the thing that was the 19:01 thing so now we've done the thing and we 19:02 can move on 19:04 so you all have a good one uh as always 19:06 be kind take care and uh and we'll see 19:08 you next time cheers