Aftershow for S1:E1 - The Pod Of Alan

Welcome to the show after the show!

After I finished an episode I usually leave the mic on and keep going for a while. A kind of reset and review and wind down and maybe some context. This is the first one of those. Offered for your entertainment.

You can listen here or on Amazon, Apple, Audible, Google, Overcast, Spotify, or pretty much any other podcast app. (Please let me know if you find an app that doesn't have the show.) If you need the raw feed, it's here.

Topics Include

  • Loose guidelines
  • Playing vs Trying and changing the language in our heads
  • Doing something like trash does not mean we are trash
  • etc... vs "blah, blah, blah"
  • We'll touch on mental health and bipolar disorder
  • On the therapeutic value of talking to the camera


  • Write an app that gauges my speech to see if it can detect signs of depression


00;00;05;28 - 00;00;21;20

And now we're doing the aftershow. Oh my God, this is so weird. So, sometimes you have to show things... And I guess this is just... we're doing the introduction stuff. And it's why... so here's the thing that I'm thinking is I am just going to start these fresh.

00;00;22;20 - 00;00;36;18

Like I've already like, we've just done that, like we started these fresh, and then over time, I would like to go back and get all the episodes and all the stuff that I've done prior. But like, that's going to take work. Because, basically I've got to go listen to all of that stuff.

00;00;36;18 - 00;00;49;27

I don't have to do too much editing. But when I was first doing those... One, I was hypomanic or manic with untreated bipolar disorder. So hurray. But the other aspect of that is, I hadn't kind of refined what I was going to say versus what I wasn't going to say.

00;00;50;07 - 00;01;03;21

I have very few rules about what I'm not going to say. Largely, it is going to be that I'm not going to talk... I'm not going to say people's names unless I have the permission to say their names. And I'm not going to talk too much about work stuff because work stuff is work stuff.

00;01;04;09 - 00;01;14;28

Even though I do get into that. And, I'm not really gonna go like super political. There's enough of that out there. I don't think my voice in the middle of that stuff is going to help, particularly on a broader level.

00;01;15;14 - 00;01;25;28

Individually sure, in the noise, not so much. So that's basically it. Everything else is. And I don't want to say fair game, because that makes it sound like we're after it and like, Oh yeah, we can take this stuff down.

00;01;26;03 - 00;01;37;26

Fair game is like, we're hunting things or whatever, but like everything else, is just on the plate. Everything else is in play, and I really I really like the words in play. We'll get to play a lot, I'm sure, because I really like this idea of playing with stuff.

00;01;38;11 - 00;01;56;18

The one that came up recently with me is if you're going to work on something, or if you're going to try for something or you're going to if you're going to make an attempt at something. Don't use that language necessarily. Don't say, Oh, I'm going to try to do this thing because if I try to do it, I might fail.

00;01;56;26 - 00;02;11;22

And then that can lead very much of. If I have failed at this thing, then I am a failure. Because the tendency for us to put our success or failure on a thing that we've done, which is actually outside of us, is high.

00;02;11;22 - 00;02;27;21

Like we don't have a lot of training, I don't think, to make a disconnect there, like I did a thing, that thing failed. But I am okay. It's not that I am a failure. That thing failed. I was talking with somebody last night playing some games, and they're having a bad game and they said, I'm trash.

00;02;28;26 - 00;02;39;22

And like I know him well enough to basically say, OK, so we have to talk about this. And like whatever, I wasn't getting all preachy or whatever like, it's not that you're it's not it's not that you're trash, it's that you're playing like trash.

00;02;39;22 - 00;03;00;02

But those are two different things. And it gets really like that mental switch is. Huge. And I see so many people that have not been shown that that is an option of the way to think. And so one of the things that I'm interested in with this is is talking about some of that stuff.

00;03;00;20 - 00;03;15;25

I've picked up on a few things that I find interesting and helpful in my life. And so some of what we'll talk about is the things that I found interesting and useful my life and that's a big one is the internal language that we use in our heads as we're talking to ourselves and our self narratives and our inner monologue and inner dialog, depending.

00;03;16;07 - 00;03;33;18

And it's fun with the aftershow stuff, because the aftershow is really the show. It's just another episode below the break and then sometimes it's less. I don't know. I switch it up just a little bit and then I kind of de-gear and then see what happens next.

00;03;34;24 - 00;03;43;07

Sometimes, they go on for a while, sometimes they don't. Sometimes I pause for a second and have coffee, sometimes I don't. Yeah, so, I guess we might as well get some of the other stuff out of the way, just the prep stuff.

00;03;44;00 - 00;03;53;04

I was trying not to do too much of a... This is what this thing is going to be about, and this is going to be about blah blah blah. Sorry, I didn't mean blah blah blah, But like, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

00;03;53;05 - 00;04;09;29

Oh, that's better. There's good language for you instead of blah, blah blah blah say, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Because blah blah blah blah blah can kind of have a negative punch to it. Verses, et cetera, et cetera, which also could a little bit, but it's less weighted with... stuff.

00;04;11;02 - 00;04;26;14

Less weighted with weight? I don't know. But I was going to go without talking too much about that. But like the way that I do this is I just talk about whatever the... Welcome to this episode of what's it called Freeform thought? no.

00;04;26;14 - 00;04;39;16

What's it called? Stream of consciousness with Alan. So. Hello, world. Welcome to the stream of consciousness. I wonder how many podcasts are like that. Like go with a much more stream of consciousness thing versus really kind of having a topic or whatever.

00;04;40;05 - 00;04;55;10

I think you have to be able to do a decent amount of stream of consciousness are like back and forth or whatever in order to keep the dialog going. As for just like getting on and going like this, like I'm here, I to look around and see, I haven't heard too many other podcasts like that now.

00;04;55;10 - 00;05;07;04

It could mean that there's 1,000,000,000 out there and just nobody likes them, which oh, well, so what? But also, it may not be that there's as many out there who knows. A thing that I've learned of late is that my brain works a little bit differently than most people's.

00;05;07;19 - 00;05;19;10

I am the neurodivergent. Or, in the neurodivergent crew. Oh yeah, so I guess I should say, I think I mentioned earlier a bit like bipolar disorder. Hey, bipolar one checking in. But that's... I don't care about that. Like, that's probably not going to come up super often.

00;05;20;01 - 00;05;36;15

It will come up from time to time. But that's not. I'm not interested in this being like, Oh, Alan, the bipolar person. I am privileged enough that the stuff that I deal with has been crappy at times, to say the least.

00;05;36;29 - 00;05;51;28

But it doesn't ride high in my brain all the time. Kinda don't think about it most of the time. Because I'm very fortunate in the way that I have a very good psychiatrist who got me on the right meds and my body is responding to those meds, et cetera, et cetera. There's et cetera, instead of blahs.

00;05;51;28 - 00;06;07;03

So like that's going to that's going to be in the mix, but it's not going to be like, Hey, this is the bipolar podcast with Alan coming at you live from five or whatever. So the other one that I want to do is I want to do a... and I just slowed down my voice a little bit.

00;06;07;03 - 00;06;24;23

Not my voice. My... The tempo of my language. The tempo of my words whatever they call it? Speech. Slowed down my speech, I guess. just a touch because I'm kind of excited about this. But one of the things that I want to do is use some of the amazon AWS services to actually like, count words per minute and do some like graphing of the episodes.

00;06;24;23 - 00;06;43;14

Because, like some of the episodes I recorded, like back was in the middle of some pretty severe depression. I think it would be interesting to see, like if I record these every now and then the question becomes, can this be used as a gauge or an indicator to say, hey, your speech is slowing down.

00;06;44;10 - 00;06;59;17

Check in with your therapist. Even though I check in with them every week, but check in with your therapist because this might be some signs of depression kind of stuff, or at least an alert to that.

00;07;00;18 - 00;07;10;23

That's one that I've wanted to do for a while, and I got a bunch of stuff that we can mess with. We'll play with that too. Anyways, that's probably enough running around and tangents and stuff for now. I'm going to go figure out how to post this stuff.

00;07;11;08 - 00;07;29;01

And we will post it and see what happens. This is one of those I'm in very much in the mood of like, get up and go and get the things done. Like I have... I have a... And this is this these are things that you will hear me working on a lot as I do this because some of this, by the way, is kind of therapeutic for me.

00;07;29;01 - 00;07;37;01

Having talked with my therapist, I was like, This feels a little bit like a kind of therapy. She's like, Yeah, kind of is. I was like, OK, cool.

00;07;37;18 - 00;07;49;07

So thank you, audience. We we'll talk about rubber ducking, which is how programmers talk to inanimate things to help them sort things out, which is kind of what this is as well. But, I completely forgot what I was talking about there, so sometimes I'll lose the train.

00;07;49;14 - 00;07;59;11

And as we jump off the train... Oh, I remember what it is. Yeah, well, somebody go back, we're going to post some stuff. I'm very like, I have this thing, and we'll talk about this more later, Where I have a new... something...

00;08;00;16 - 00;08;22;03

Access to energy, but control of the energy. And. Like, basically, I'm medicated now and I'm stable. But I still have the ability to be creative and have the ability to do stuff. And so I'm really curious to see what I can do when I'm stable.

00;08;22;24 - 00;08;33;27

Also, I have this pent up energy to do stuff, but it's not like this giant dam that's about to break and like through. It's just like, Oh, I've got like this reserve of stuff that I've been, that I've been saving up for a long time.

00;08;33;27 - 00;08;46;22

So it's like I've got like enough money that I can take a really good vacation and the creativity without worrying too much about it. That makes sense? So we would ask people on the other end if that makes sense.

00;08;47;07 - 00;08;54;14

Probably going to happen sometime. Anyways. Y'all have a good one. We will do this again soon. Till then, take care be kind and we'll see next time.