Practice In Isolation - The Pod Of Alan - S1:E4

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NOTE: This is an auto-generated transcript. Sometimes the computer gets the words wrong. Let me know if you see anything weird.

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All right. So hello, world. We are going to go back to Hello World. We're going to go. Hello, world. Welcome to this edition of reverting to the old way of doing things really is doing the intro. I don't know specifically how I'm going to start these.

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I'm going to go back and forth on these, that's what's going to happen. We're going to some with Helloworld or do something with that. I'm probably going to do some more of those because it's a nice way to get into things like saying, hello, it's a good introduction, this is going to be interesting one for me because

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I don't have a specific run on this one to get into a little bit tired today, a little bit like whatever. But this is part of the process of just doing the repetition, of doing the work, of putting the time in and doing the thing.

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Possible that this one won't actually go out. That, however, is not going to be super likely. It was actually looking around today for how to host a podcast. I've been putting up on YouTube, but we actually need to get it into an actual, proper podcast thing that has what's called an RSS feed that then lets you get

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it in your podcast app of choice. So I looking that up, I ran across an article by this person named Gary Vee that does a bunch of podcast stuff, does a bunch of social media stuff, does a bunch of inspiration stuff.

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one of the things they were talking about was if you judge your content too harshly, you're never going to put anything out. It's a tales all the time about perfect being the enemy of the done. You kind of walk into this mindset of like, Oh, this isn't good enough, this isn't good enough.

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This isn't good enough. And you end up not actually getting anything out the door, shipping something, producing something, actually making a thing happen. one of his points was you have to let effectively the audience decide what's quality and what's not and what they're gonna listen to and what they're not or what they're going to watch and whatnot

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. Yeah, I think that's really valuable. But the other thing that I think is equally as valuable and there that wasn't his point specifically, but it's something that I've read in a couple of books. one by Stephen King on his book, on writing.

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And then another one. That's no. Yeah, so sorry, it's the Stephen King book. There's another book by a person named and Lamont who has the concept of the shitty first draft, but that's a different thing. We'll get into that at some point, I am sure, but that is not for now.

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The Stephen King one, though, and on writing, he talks about his process of writing and his process of writing is get up every day and write, write for a couple hours and then be done with the writing for the day.

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The trick is the everyday part of it, and that's how he has been so prolific. Is he just does it every single day. Another story that I've heard is of Jerry Seinfeld, who has a similar methodology. Story goes he has a calendar.

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What he does is every day he writes a joke, he puts an x on it. And then the next day, if he writes a joke, he puts on the X on that day and the next day, then acts the next day.

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And he says, my job is to make as many of those X's in a row as possible. That means I've done the thing I'm doing on that day. I'm not going to be doing this podcast every day. That's more than I want to get into.

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And I don't have a specific cadence or tempo or process or target for how often I'm going to do them. But I want to do them fairly frequently. I think that is good for me. Good for the podcast, good in general.

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Sometimes I'm going to overstretch on those and I'm going to do them when I'm not really feeling it or in the mood, or I'm not going to do a good one that's going to be fine. Worst case, I can not publish it, but I'm probably going to play like unless it goes really sideways.

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I will just continue to publish like I'm already going to publish this one. Like, there's no question. I've talked for a couple of minutes and everything's fine. We can keep going, even if it goes off the rails right now.

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It's still going to publish it. one of the things that's interesting to me is the difference in timing on these versus the ones I'm doing in the car, because the ones in the car, I think, generally go 30 or 45 minutes and then and after show of equal length.

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And one of the reasons I know that is because my camera would often die around the 45 minute mark. I tried to like wire and batteries and tried to do whatever and like it kept having that problem. These feel like they're going to be shorter, and I think that's actually probably good because I think that in general

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, it fits the mood or the vibe or the whatever. That's just kind of where they're going to be. I'm sure some will go longer, some will go shorter. I'm not trying to target a specific time for these either.

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I've heard all kinds of stuff where people are trying to define what the right link for a podcast is. You get these conversations that happen where people are looking for the silver bullet they're looking for. What is the one true answer for the thing that I am going to do that's going to make it successful.

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That's going to bring me fame, riches and stuff that's not really a valid answer for a general population of things. There is not going to be a specific time that if you manage to make your podcasts 17 minutes and 23 seconds every single time, that that is suddenly magically going to make it top of the charts.

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These will be shorter and longer. There there's some other podcasts I listen to, like I think there's one that's called Adventure Zone, which is some cat sitting there playing the Indy. I actually have no idea how long those episodes are, but they are the right length for however long they are.

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It's the feel of the thing. They get there. They have a little adventure, they make some progress and then they hit a point. That's a natural stopping point. And like, I also don't know if those episodes are all the same length or if they vary in length.

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I think they're close ish to the same length. Not sure. We do some research and figure that out if we really want to. I'm not super concerned about it. The length of those episodes or the length of Gary, these podcast episodes is outside of the influence of what I am working on in all but the most tangent

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. Always what any of the length of any of those the podcast is doesn't matter. I don't know as much about where this one's going now, but part of this is an experiment for me to navigate the fuel of the conversation.

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Obviously, it's a monologue, it's not specifically a conversation because it's just me talking the whole time I got it. But what is the right length for any given time? For me, it's like, I, you know, I feel like I feel like there's something else that I was going to say or that I had or that whatever.

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Well, I haven't found it yet, so I'm going to sometimes. And one of the other ways that I kind of do this stuff is I will often just kind of talk around a little bit until I hit on a thing or on this thing that was kind of in the back of my brain.

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I was kind of up there. I don't really know what that was. I can kick off to another thing right now, which is for the first time in the 20 plus years since I left the University of Alabama, there was an Alabama football game that was on that I did not watch.

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And that is obviously new because this is the first time that's happened in 20 years, but it's just a telling thing. And I know that I've mentioned the mental health stuff and how I don't want this to be a mental health all the time, but it's a thing in my life and that's a trick and it's going

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to come up. And this is one of those cases where in the past, if there was a game on, I was watching it. I was like standing up. I was dialed in, I was focused, I was watching it.

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Somebody interrupts me and like, I would get angry. But now I'm still going through this transition of adoption. Not really adaptation, but transition of recognizing and adapting is not the right word, but the word. I keep trying to go to the getting used to ness of what it's like to be on the meds that I'm on now

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. Yeah. So just for reference, medications that I'm on are lithium, the motor gene and Abilify, which are the main antipsychotics and then modafinil. Those first three are what keep me level, but they sedate me, and so I have modafinil in there to get me not sleepy and tired all the time.

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It promotes wakefulness and alert fullness. So just as reference for anybody is interested, that's the cocktail that I'm on. It took 33 changes to get to those specific pills and at the specific dosages that we have, which again, I'm very lucky that I have a very good psychiatrist who worked with me through a couple of years and

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those 33 match changes that to get me there, I'm still adapting to this, to this new stable. And the other one and the other aspect with this that's happened was I got stable about a year ago. That was fantastic.

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Like, I still remember and I will still always remember the day that my inner voice, my inner dialog, came back to me because it had been not there during the depression for a long time, for like a couple of years as I became stable again and as I as I came back.

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Because one of the things that happens if you have a major bipolar episode, either a manic episode or a depressive episode is some brain damage happens. You get lesions in your head. Those heal up over time, mostly still some scars, still not great.

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one of the reasons they really try and like prevent you from having an episode is because it actually causes brain damage. So I was out of the depression, but then there was the brain healing that also happens. And when I finally got to this point of stability, then we're in the pandemic.

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That actually turned out largely to be good for me. As I was hitting stability, I was OK with not having to do the work of being social over time. That isolation absolutely became not good for my mental health.

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It went from something that was good and helpful to something that was very much not. It slid down that way so slowly that I didn't notice it. I was not doing good at my job because I was so isolated.

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I still don't understand the one level down mechanism of what the problem was. I know now it the isolation because when I went back into the office. Things have clicked back up and I'm like, Oh, OK, I feel better.

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I can do stuff again. I'm back on task. The only thing that changed was the isolation, so like, I don't understand why the isolation was affecting me as much as it did other than its isolation, its lack of human connection, its lack of physical presence.

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Because I was connecting with people on Discord and Twitter and stuff, a bunch of us would get together and hang out most nights. But it wasn't in person. And it turns out there's something about that that was critical for me that I was missing.

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I expect that is a human condition thing where the vast majority of us need to have that presence in that thing. As somebody who was basically completely isolated for a very long time, that was not a good thing for me mentally as it moved down from where it was good, where it was like helpful and I could

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like kind of be in my own world to do some healing to the point where I was basically healed and stable. And then it was like it was gone, like eye contact was gone, and that was just bad.

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And now really, the thing that sometimes is going to happen here, which is I don't remember how I got on that track. We're going to see if we can talk back through it for a split second and see if we can run back.

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We may get there. We may not. This is going to be a thing that happens. We did the isolation thing. We were talking about the bipolar thing. Yeah, no. I remember what it was. Oh yeah, Alabamians. Part of the change that has happened to me is I will watch a Bama game, but I will be doing something

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else at the same time. Today's game, which was against some team that we really we beat them like 593 or something, I can remember it was I didn't even really pay attention to when the game was, and I kind of looked it up and it was already on, but I didn't care about going to watch it.

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That's really new to me because it used to be that like I was in there and watching it, but now it's just not that thing. I don't know what that means. I don't particularly care to put meaning associated with it, it's just that is the way that my interaction with the world has gone now.

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Let me say much healthier, both in that particular instance, you know, not being super focused and driven, all the other stuff because I still have focus and I still have drive. It's just not this laser hot burning. I kind of picture when you see superhero stuff and they've got laser coming out of their eyes, that used to

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be the intensity with which I would do things and watch things and be end of things. Trick with that is you can't see like you kind of miss the forest for the trees when you're doing that or the forest for the tree that you're burning a hole through.

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It's an interesting experience for me to notice these things that are happening now that are different, and I don't see that happening to me. I just think that they are happening. I happen to be the central player in the thing, but that is because we were all the stars of our own stories.

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A friend who's also now, though, family like a big Alabama fan and like for real has said that there's about 50 hours of football on per year and he's of the opinion. I used to be very much that I'm going to watch every single minute of all those.

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That's no longer the case. And like, it's nice. It's not that it's relaxing, but it's less requirement of energy. It's less exhausting. I guess is really the best way to say it when I think back through all the times before the medication.

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That stuff seems exhausting to me now. And it wasn't exhausting to me then because I was unmedicated and I was hypomanic. Now I have no desire to run back into those time periods or that effort spending or that whatever.

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Because good lord, that was that was a lot. I'm glad to have put that aside and gotten on some meds. With that, I think we'll call this one that was as is always the thing, that was the thing.

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So now we've done the thing and we can move on. You'll have a good one. BeKind take care and we'll see you next time. Cheers.